Teenagers. A word that might bring forth feelings and thoughts of stress, growing pains, and mood swings. As a teen myself, I know firsthand that as much as we need to find ourselves, you as parents are so important in guiding us, as well as showing us your love and support. It is true that as teens it may be difficult to connect with us, but below I share my top tips on how you, as a parent, can build your bond with your teenager.
Show Interest In Their Interests
Teen years are pivotal as we are discovering our interests, values, goals, and opinions. Be an active part of that discovery! In creating a connection, ask your teen how you can participate in their interests. Together, listen to a podcast on the subject and discuss it, take a pottery class, watch a sporting event, or play a video game. Through engaging in activities that your teen wants to try, you can build your bond by sharing this part of their self-discovery with them.
As you take some time out of your day to pursue what your teen enjoys, you encourage and validate their journey of self-exploration and interest!
Create Time To Do Things Together
Most families have busy schedules. Even if you are unable to actively participate in the interests of your teen, you can still find time to create a connection.
Here is a list of some of my favorite time-friendly activities to do as a teenager with my mom or dad:
• Go for a walk or a bike ride
• Go to a golf range
• Play basketball outside
• Attend a yoga class
• Make dinner together or bake a dessert
• Follow an online craft tutorial and make a craft together
• Read a book (my choice!) and discuss the events—like a mini book club
• Play video games
• Volunteer at an organization that I am passionate about
Shared Meals
This is a simple, yet impactful way to build a bond. Mealtimes are an opportunity to reconnect and relax over a delicious plate of food. Whether it’s breakfast, lunch, dinner, or dessert, make time—at least a few times a week—to eat with your teen. In fact, a Harvard study has established that meals free of distraction, meaning with no phones, sports games, or TVs on in the background, lead to higher levels of satisfaction and lower levels of stress. According to this study, these benefits are especially associated with conversation around the table.
Below are some of my favorite conversation starters for family meals. These are wonderful for the entire family because, as parents, you will learn more about your teen—any maybe your teen will learn more about you through your responses.
• What is one exciting thing that happened today?
• What are you looking forward to this week?
• What brought you a small bit of happiness today—it doesn’t have to be major!
• What has been your biggest obstacle today and how can we help you solve it?
By encouraging a positive conversation with your teen, you encourage them to shift their mindset towards a positive trajectory. Rather than constantly worrying about the hardships of being a teenager, you motivate and help your teen focus on the good moments of the day. Furthermore, you also open lines of communication, making it easier for your teen to share stressors with you down the road.
Active Listening
This brings me to my fourth tip for building parent-teen connection, active listening. When your teen brings up a concern, something that went well, or something new that they’ve tried, simply listen. Let them feel safe and confident for confiding in you, and avoid jumping in with your own story of how things were when you were young.
Active listening is the act of listening just to listen and understand what is being shared, rather than listening to respond immediately. Active listening promotes trust, helps you better understand where your teen is coming from, and allows you to formulate a better, more holistic response after they have finished sharing their thoughts and feelings. A quick tip for active listening is to make eye contact and not be distracted by a phone or other device.
On a personal note, as a 16-year-old who has struggled with my happiness, I’ve become extremely close with my mom. She’s my best friend and my number one supporter. We’ve built the habit of connecting daily and finding more happiness together. Visit smallbitsofhappiness.com for activities, hacks, and advice.